To be or not to be...!!!!!

I donno....!!!

Is it me or is it my mind that leads me astray.....I have left so many things for her sake. I have tried to keep a tab on all of my philandering ways just to see her happy, coz I cant see her sad. She is a cute kid, no one can possibly see her sad.
But still I think, it's not enough for her. Nothing is. She is always expecting more out of me. I dont know how to satisfy her inquisitive demands. Maybe I am a failure. But wait, hold on, why should I be?? I have tried my level best in all possible ways. I have given up many stuffs which I dearly loved to indulge in....

She always complains about each and every action of mine. I donno whether I am wrong everytime or she is always being a snoot....But no matter how much we argue or fight, it's always me who tries to bridge the differences and I guess that she takes me for granted. Yes she does. She always has some quick piece of her mind and she doesn't hesitate showering it on me, irrespective of being in public or private. I hate this. I hate this know-it-all attitude and this righteousness... I mean, cmon, I have also seen the light of the day and have survived many a ordeal. I have had my share of mistakes and the resultant repurcassions leading to outright miseries.....But I have made my own mistakes and had learnt every bit from them. I dont need someone to judge me and tell me that I need to learn the finer nuances of life.........I am being upfront and care a damn about what others think of me...If that's an offense, then I am guilty as charged.

I neved lived life very seriously coz as they say, no one will get out of it alive anyway. I feel suffocated when someone tries to bind me within a routine and start making rules for my existence. I absolutely loathe the idea of living life by rules. I mean I had always been this rebel who always bent rules and cared less about what others think of him. But according to her, I have been a waste till now. I am sick and tired of people trying to dominate my life.....I have always shaped my own course of action and will continue to do so, no matter who is on my back. This monkey on the back thing really disgusts me. I always had authority issues...

This one day, she was complaining about how much priority I give to my frndz. She is so vindictive that she doesnot even stop from telling me how much I lack self respect. I mean,this is height, why are girls so complicated?? Why do they think that we can't have our own life and our stuffs which we love to do and take pride in them. Why is it that we always have to be in their shadow everytime??? Or else, the same good old statement that we are not prioritising stuffs and not spending enough quality time with them.....WTF......Spend a funky evening or a sleepover with frndz and they begin to see RED....Height of insecurity and jealousy.....

She needs to get it straight that I am , what I am. And by GOD, I am proud of what I am. No one and I repeat, absolutely no preaches me on how I should be living life, coz its my life and I will live it by my own rules. But I can't give her a piece of my mind coz I can't see her unhappy or sad. I have always tried to go out of my way to please her in the best way I possibly could. But still I think, I am not enough for her. I get this feeling time and again that I am not the kind of guy she hoped for or rooted for. I really cannot fathom why she is so complicated at times. At one end she tell me that she loves me like anything, but on the other hand, I am this guy with innumerable amount of faults...God only knows what she really wants.. Maybe she wants her kind of guy moulded with all the good characteristics into my body. It's sad. I can't be her Mr. eligible perfect marriageable material, no matter how many stones I turn upright. Coz I am completely different and cant match her prerequisites.

Maybe I am at fault, or better, maybe fault is what I am always gifted with although I win all the roadblocks fair and square. Life is not fair and its more unfair to those who outrageously bends its contemporary rules and make their own, the lone rangers.......and well, I am one of them.